Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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