I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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