The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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