I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
