i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
