Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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