Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
