Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
