i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
