All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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