dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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