You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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