the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i love accidental penises.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
