mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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