I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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