OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
