this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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