Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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