I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
