i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You are a genius and a whore.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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