Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
