I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
