a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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