Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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