I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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