who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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