I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
