Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
