i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
