Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
