New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
