this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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