tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
