you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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