I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
