I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
