but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
