I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
