i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize