She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
