I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
someone owes me an orgasm
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
