so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
