hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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