Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
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