Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
