quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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