Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Drake has all the answers
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
