So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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