i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
