how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
