1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
