I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Four minutes until I can fart!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
