I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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