I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
