Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
