K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
