i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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