Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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