Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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