i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
