I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize