did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
