the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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